Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
