Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
