Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
