I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
