Umm I'm too high to move.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
