Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
