dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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