Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
