Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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