I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
