If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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