there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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