Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
