just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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