Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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