i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
