Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
