Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sex in a hospital.. check
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
