What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
