lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
