Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
