The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
