My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
