No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This house was built for laser tag.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
