Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
