you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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