Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
