Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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