Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He? As in you personified your dick?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
