Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
