I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
