I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize