so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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