Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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