nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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