i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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