Say something about gay babies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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