I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
