By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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