i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
