that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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