you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
