She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
