plz talk dirty to me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
