Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
