hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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