Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
