Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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