so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
