I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
