So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
