After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
