Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
