i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
