when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
