We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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