i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
