If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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