So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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