I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
