Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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