my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
