There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
