It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize