i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
