You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
