i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
