if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
organizing the empties. That sober.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
