My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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