I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
